This is a guide to help you stay sober in boozy situations.

Specifically, this is for people who want to fly under the radar, avoid scrutiny, and keep the atmosphere relaxed and cheerful.

This guide will equip you with a selection of tactics and responses to handle the inevitable questions you’ll get when attempting to stay sober.

Wait, isn’t this just pandering to other people?

Valid question! You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re not drinking, and if they ask, they should be prepared to hear the truth.

The goal here isn’t to bottle things up to avoid making others uncomfortable.

Deep and meaningful conversations about sobriety and mental health are incredibly valuable and necessary, but your colleague’s leaving drinks might not be the place to unpack all of that.

Ultimately, it benefits you to have a selection of tactics and responses you can draw on depending on the context of the situation (how well you know people, the mood, time constraints, etc.).

Preparation is key

So how can you stylishly deflect questions like “so why aren’t you drinking?”, or “do you have a ‘problem’ then?” without bringing the mood down?

I can’t stress this enough: preparation is key.

I’ll help you prepare in two ways, by giving you:

• A logistical plan for flying under the radar and staying on track
• A conversational toolkit to escape any unwanted scrutiny

Let’s start off with the logistical tactics.

The logistics of sober socialising

No/low alcohol to the rescue!

As you’re probably aware, the no/low alcohol market is booming. The choice is expanding constantly.

One way to avoid excessive questions is to drink no/low alcohol drinks, ideally in a plain glass.

This way you won’t attract attention, which might not be the case if you were drinking a can of Diet Coke.

As with all of the options discussed here, this depends on your level of comfort.

You might be perfectly happy drinking a Diet Coke, or drinking a Peroni 0% without needing to disguise it.

Now that I’m 9 months sober I don’t care what people see me drinking, but it took a while to get here.

What I’m saying is there’s no shame in giving yourself a little breathing room while taking on the challenge of sober socialising.

Pre-commit

The ultimate story of pre-commitment comes from one of the oldest stories we have, The Odyssey by Homer.

On his way home to Ithaca, the hero of the epic poem, Odysseus, has to sail past the Sirens - the beautiful women of the sea.

The sweet song of the Sirens is irresistible, but to follow their call means an inevitable shipwreck and death on the rocks.

Odysseus knows that he needs to be physically restrained if he is to resist the song of the Sirens, make it home, and see his wife and children again.

So he orders his men to tie him to the mast of the ship when they approach the danger zone.

He also tells his sailors to fill their ears with soft beeswax so that they don’t become bewitched by the song, and continue rowing, ignoring his inevitable pleas to be released.

Sure enough, as they pass by the Sirens, Odysseus begs to be untied.

The rope cuts deep into his flesh as he fights to be freed. His men ignore him and continue rowing as ordered.

This is an extreme, fictional example, but it illustrates the principle of pre-commitment to avoid a behaviour you know you’ll be tempted into later on.

In our example, pre-committing could mean:

• Driving to a gathering (if possible) so you can’t drink. Give lifts to your friends to increase accountability.
• Not taking any alcohol with you. If you don’t have it, you can’t drink it.
• Planning an early morning activity the next day, ideally with someone. Again, accountability helps here.

Recruit an ally ahead of time

If you have a trusted friend, family member, or colleague going to the gathering where you want to stay sober, you could ask for their help in advance.

“Hey, I’m trying to stay sober tonight, and I might need your help. If you hear me getting quizzed on why I’m not drinking and it’s dragging on, could you try and steer the conversation in a different direction?”

The likelihood is this won’t actually be needed, but it’s nice to know that somebody has your back.

If they’re happy to join you, they could even be your sober buddy to relieve the pressure of feeling like an outsider (they could be the person you have plans with the next morning). Of course, don’t pressure your friends into this.

Conversational tactics for sober socialising

Prepare to be brief

You’re likely to be asked:

• You’re not drinking tonight? How come?
• Are you quitting for good, then?
• Is it for health reasons, orrr….?

The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel (and come across to others).

So, make sure you have a few quick stock responses ready to go.

Here are a few examples:

• “Nope, I’m the designated driver.”
• “Nope, I’m off the booze tonight. Gotta have my wits about me tomorrow for XYZ.”
• “Nope, I’ve decided the world’s had enough of my dad jokes and dance moves for now.”
• “Nope, I’m rubbish on a hangover and they’re getting worse as I get older!”

Most of the time, these responses are enough to satisfy that person’s curiosity, and you have a chance to move the conversation on to a different topic.

Shift the focus

Again, preparation is key here.

If you’re ready with a few conversation starters, you can follow up one of the responses above with a change of topic.

This could be anything from a major world event to the weather, it doesn’t matter.

You just need to shift the focus.

Party guest: “Hey John! Ah, you’re on the zero percent? How come?”

You: “Yep, I’m up early tomorrow for golf so I’ve gotta have my wits about me.”

Party guest: “Ah fair enough.”

You: “Did you see that ?”

Preparing a few options here helps you steer the conversation.

Turn the tables

Flipping the conversation around to talk about the other person is a great way to manoeuvre the discussion in a way that benefits you.

This is especially powerful because most people love to talk about themselves, and I don’t mean that disparagingly - it’s just how we’re wired as a species.

If you know the people going, make a list in your head about what you can ask each person about.

If you know that someone is moving house soon, recently got a new job, rescued a dog or started a diet, make a mental note so that you can ask them about it.

With this preparation done, you can quickly turn the tables and ask them a question about themselves to move away from the topic of alcohol.

If you’re going to an event where you don’t know many people, then generic questions can work just as well, for example:

• So how do you know ?
• Are you local?
• What do you do for a living?

Generic, but effective. Hopefully their answer will present more threads for you to pull.

If you get backed into a corner, do this

Despite applying the techniques above, you may still get quizzed on your decision to stay sober.

People will want to know more about why you’re not drinking, whether you have a ‘problem’, how long it’ll be for, whether you have a health issue, etc.

Here’s a tactic which can help diffuse any awkwardness and get people nodding along in agreement.

The goal is to use relatable statements to get people saying “Yep”, “Uh-huh”, “100%”.

For example, you could talk about:

• Hangovers getting worse with age
• Health goals that you have, like losing weight or training for a race
• A savings goal you have, like a wedding, house deposit or a holiday
• The curiosity angle: you’ve noticed sobriety becoming more popular and you’re testing it out to see if you get the benefits that are being touted

It’s pretty hard for people to disagree with these statements, so I find them to be disarming without coming across as holier-than-thou or snobby.

I hope this helps!

If you have any questions, comments, feedback, I'd love to know, so hit 'reply'.

Until next week,

John